Portfolio: Not mySelf: Not mySelf 2020: Not mySelf; 29 Jan 20

I’m at a point right now where my depression, anxiety and PTSD are debilitating. My obsessive tendencies are worse than I’ve ever been, and I’m self-aware enough to recognize that rock bottom is coming up fast if I don’t get help. But my PTSD continues to keep me avoiding finding another therapist, and I have plenty of very rational excuses. But they are still that - excuses. I know I NEED help. I NEED to maybe finally consider meds again. But I also need to find something that I have control in and have a choice in. So I put on one of my favorite shirts, even put on a tad bit of makeup (mostly to hide the puffy eyes and bags and obvious signs of exhaustion) and went on a coffee date with the bestie. It doesn’t make the stuff go away. But it forces me to 1) leave the house and 2) talk to someone I trust. It was a lovely visit that I definitely needed and I was able to talk about some hard stuff that I’m coping with. My point is, nothing can truly replace professional help BUT reaching out is SO important when you hit the low points. And then you paint on that smile and keep trying another day until the next day isn’t so bad.
Not mySelf; 29 Jan 20

I’m at a point right now where my depression, anxiety and PTSD are debilitating. My obsessive tendencies are worse than I’ve ever been, and I’m self-aware enough to recognize that rock bottom is coming up fast if I don’t get help. But my PTSD continues to keep me avoiding finding another therapist, and I have plenty of very rational excuses. But they are still that - excuses. I know I NEED help. I NEED to maybe finally consider meds again. But I also need to find something that I have control in and have a choice in. So I put on one of my favorite shirts, even put on a tad bit of makeup (mostly to hide the puffy eyes and bags and obvious signs of exhaustion) and went on a coffee date with the bestie. It doesn’t make the stuff go away. But it forces me to 1) leave the house and 2) talk to someone I trust. It was a lovely visit that I definitely needed and I was able to talk about some hard stuff that I’m coping with. My point is, nothing can truly replace professional help BUT reaching out is SO important when you hit the low points. And then you paint on that smile and keep trying another day until the next day isn’t so bad.